For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

My love is fleeting

I remember the time we were at Changi Beach, in our basketball jerseys and shoes, when it started to rain. The bunch of us started to run for the bus stop. The harder it rained, the faster we ran and the harder we laughed. It was cold as hell, but I was really glad I was there. A group of wet basketballers, sitting and laughing at the bus stop.

I remember the time I degraded myself and begged for someone I loved to stay. Over and over. He left. And came back. And left.

I remember the time, I realized that we all had or own agendas, and no one lived for anyone else but themselves.

I’m spending the first half of my life convincing myself and everyone else that I don’t need anyone to live.

And I will be spending the rest of my life fulfiling my own prophecy.

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Cooking soup alone at home is what I do best

I don’t make the best soups, but it is the best of all the things I can do.

Which says something, doesn’t it.

My journey in life consists of me going out there, running around blindly and getting in the way of people. Not knowing what I want helps.

When I’m hurt, I have no right to feel sorry for myself. I deserve it, most of the time.

Some people’s roles are doers, and some are watchers. Me? I’m a leaver.

Nothing is forgiving, except the little ball of fur next to my feet, the little harmless Maro.

最后一班悬浮火车
满载悬在空气中的不舍
我们却像陌路旅客
在月台分开站着毫无牵扯
现在的我能说甚么
徘徊你们之间的流浪者
说决定心是给你的
却要你给我留下来的许可
我只想再哭一下下
把记忆彻底地分化
等哭完我就会回家
眼泪我会替自己擦
我只想再哭一下下
假如你不反对的话

Emo-ness. James, where are you?

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Conspiracy Theory

The most honest thing I said in the entire of last month was probably to my interviewer.

“At this point in life, I don’t know myself very well.”

(You can tell this is going to be a low-mo post, can’t ya.)

I try. To step back and look at the big picture, and decide what it is I should be doing to make things work. I learn- I listen to people, I read books, I read websites, I see how people live. There are so many theories out there on how life should be. Sometimes I find something I completely relate to, only to find out it only applies in some situations. There is no theory in life, really. The only thing that is constant: “Life goes on.”

We all need something to lean on, don’t we. Theories intrigue us. For something to tell us that there IS indeed a pattern in life, and we are not just letting things happen. For when there is a theory, there is a better way to live life.

Like how people believe in horoscopes. (People who know me know how intensely I frown at this.) They like how the predictions are similar to their characters, and to believe that the stars had something to do with who they are today. Truth about this crap, is that we all have a little of ariestauruscapricornscorpioblehblehbleh in us. If I switched my horoscope with urs, you wouldn’t know.

I am NOT stubborn because I am aries!!!

Sigh.

So, everything in life and society are theories. Who is to say civilisation is better than being cave people? What if there was a better way to live life than civilisation?

Haha.. Don’t worry, you’re not the only one lost here.

Anyways, I am still alive.

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